


it only hurts if it's fake

by clxude



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Betrayal, Friends to Enemies, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Secret Identity, implied minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clxude/pseuds/clxude
Summary: Tadashi should have realized sooner. The signs were all there - all the times Tsukki would never text him back, the locked closets, the flashes of blonde every time he fought the Crow - but he never expected it to be this sudden.also known as - Tadashi is trying his best to be a hero, but the cards don't always fall how you hope.





	it only hurts if it's fake

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanwritesstuff (hannahkannao)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahkannao/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Metamorphosis in the Age of Secret Identities](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4237875) by [hanwritesstuff (hannahkannao)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahkannao/pseuds/hanwritesstuff). 



> happy birthday, han!!!! you've been a great friend for a year (almost?? a little over??) and can't wait to see what other terrible aus we come up with together!!!!

Tadashi should have realized sooner. The signs were all there - all the times Tsukki would never text him back, the locked closets, the flashes of blonde every time he fought the Crow  _ \-  _ but he never expected it to be this sudden. 

 

“Tsukki - “ he says, voice broken as he stares down at Tsukki. “I - “

 

Tsukishima wipes the blood from his mouth and pulls his mask back on before standing, shouldering past Tadashi. He doesn’t say anything as he walks to the edge of the skyscraper, cowl fluttering in the wind. Tadashi should say something,  _ anything,  _ but he can’t make the words come out. 

 

Instead, he watches Tsukishima jump and does nothing to stop him. 

 

…

 

“What do you think of this one, Tsukki?” Tadashi asks. 

 

They’re standing in the living room of a cramped studio apartment in the heart of Tokyo. It’s close to their university and has a subway entrance a block away and it’s with  _ Tsukki,  _ which makes it almost good enough to sign the lease then and there. 

 

Tsukishima looks around, taking in the beige walls and small windows, the water stains and the cracks in the molding. “It’ll work,” he finally says.

 

Tadashi beams. “I knew it would work.”

 

...

 

He strips out of his disguise behind a dumpster, nose wrinkling at the stench. He considers ditching the clothes, but shoves them in his bag instead and covers them with a book for his English literature class. 

 

He rides the subway home, crammed between two older women and another college student in the midday rush. He holds his arms close to his body, trying to make himself as small as possible. He’s never hurt The Crow before today, or at least never hard enough to knock off his metallic mask. And for it to be Tsukki - 

 

He shakes his head. There’s nothing he can do to change it now. 

 

…

 

“Do you know what a superhero is, Yamaguchi Tadashi?” 

 

He looks up from his book, surprised. Sugawara-san, his tutor, has always been strict about study sessions being class related only. 

 

“Like Superman?”

 

Sugawara-san chuckles, but Tadashi doesn’t think what he said warranted it. 

 

“You could say that, Yamaguchi-kun,” Sugawara-san smiles. “But, you don’t need special powers to fight crime.”

 

The way he says it makes Tadashi think back to the rumors he heard during his first few weeks in Tokyo, about the crews of vigilantes that lurk in the different wards of the city. He brushed it off at first, but usual carefree Sugawara Koushi looks dead serious. 

 

“Anyone can do it, if they’re brave enough.”

 

…

 

When he gets home, the apartment door is unlocked. It surprises him - Tsukki is always so careful about things like that, and Tadashi’s mother drilled it into his head before he left for university. 

 

He opens the door slowly, just far enough that he can slip inside without making it squeak, and places his hand over the pocket where he keeps one of the smaller knives Sugawara gave him. It’s black, the handle worn smooth from previous use. Tadashi didn’t ask. He doesn’t think Sugawara or his partner would tell him if he did. 

 

He stops when he sees Tsukki. He’s standing in the living room, back to Tadashi, still dressed in black. 

 

“I didn’t…” he says. Tsukki doesn’t look at him, but Tadashi can see his shoulders tense. “I didn’t know you were here.”

 

…

 

“The world is a scary place,” Sugawara-san tells him a month later. It’s raining, the water dragging out the neon signs of the red light district. “No one person can change that. Even a group of people is useless without proper conviction.” 

 

He pulls into an alley and parks a few meters away from a garage door. Tadashi swallows, worried about whatever he’s managed to get himself into to.

 

Sugawara-san smiles, face washed out with red light. “Keep your chin up, Yamaguchi-kun. I’ll protect you.”

 

Together, they walk to the door, Sugawara holding an umbrella above the two of them. 

 

“Hold this for me?” Sugawara asks. When Tadashi takes the umbrella, he leans down to open the garage door. It’s dark inside. Sugawara shoves him inside and pulls the door down before he has time to adjust. 

 

“Cozy, isn’t it?” he jokes, far closer than Tadashi expects, before flipping on the lights. They’re standing in what appears to be a waiting room with a single doorway on the left. The walls are covered in an ugly floral wallpaper, the floor tiled and slippery. “Follow me.”

 

Sugawara takes the umbrella back and leads Tadashi through the hallway. 

 

“Where are we?”

 

“The Aerie,” he replies, a fond smile on his face. “ Shinjuku central hub.”

 

“For what?” Tadashi asks as they come to a stop before another door. There’s a keypad at eye level, surrounded by a band of orange light.

 

Sugawara-san’s smile only grows as he punches in the code. “Superheroes.”

 

The door slides open and Tadashi takes in a sharp breath. “Oh.”

 

…

 

“How did you get involved?” Tsukki asks before Tadashi can leave. 

 

“My tutor,” he says, swallowing. “What about you?”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?”

 

“It doesn’t - “

 

“Tell me, Tsukki,” he says again, annoyed and seething with anger. He doesn’t want this. He would rather have lived forever not knowing it was Tsukki - just fighting “arch nemesis,” as Noya had coined him, on the weekends, studying with his best friend whenever they both had free time. When he asks again, his voice breaks. “Please, Tsukki.”

 

“Oikawa.”

 

“The volleyball captain?” When Tsukishima nods, Tadashi takes a deep breath. “What does he even have you do? Actually, don’t answer that.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“I’m going to Sugawara-san’s for a bit. Text me - “ he waves his hand instead of finishing the sentence and runs out of the apartment before Tsukki can say anything else.

 

…

 

The Aerie isn’t what he expected. It’s not full of computers and halogen bulb lights and people wearing brightly colored spandex. On one side, there’s a table with a few knives and guns, not organized in the slightest as far as Tadashi can tell. On the other is a boxing ring and two punching bags. One of them is currently in use - a short ginger man is punching what appears to be a mugshot. 

 

Sugawara notices his stare. “That’s Hinata. His partner ended up getting arrested for a gang fight last week and can’t pay bail. I told Hinata I could help, but he wants Kageyama to suffer through it for being a  _ dumbass.”  _ He puts air quotes around the last word. 

 

“Oh.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Sugawara laughs. “Not everyone here is as bad as the fledglings.” 

 

…

 

“Yamaguchi-kun?” Sugawara asks. Tadashi is standing in front of his door, arms wrapped around his torso, tears dried on his cheeks. “What’s wrong.”

 

“Tsukki - he’s the - “

 

“Oh, Tadashi,” Sugawara says, sounding just as heartbroken as Tadashi as he pulls him into a hug. “I know this hurts. I tried my best to protect you, I promise I did.”

 

Tadashi pulls away. “What do you mean?”

 

“I wish you didn’t have to find out this way - “

 

“You knew?” Tadashi asks, stumbling away. His back hits the opposite wall and he feels like he’s been nailed there, unable to move. “And you didn’t say anything?”

 

“You were tasked with the Crow. We knew he was your roommate. It seemed like the easiest way to access how much of a threat he was. It’s for the good of the - “

 

“I don’t care who it’s good for! He’s my best friend, Sugawara-san - “

 

“I know that, Tadashi, but it’s for the good of - “

 

“Shut up!” he screams, sharp enough it feels like his throat is full of shrapnel.

 

“If you can’t do your job, someone else will.  Do you want that?”

 

“You’re not going to touch him,” he growls out, seeing red. He doesn’t care anymore - not about The Aerie, not about being a superhero or that Tsukki is a villain or what either of them have done. Tsukki is his best friend and no one will take him away from Yamaguchi Tadashi as long as he can stop it.

 

“If you don’t take care of this within the hour, you lose him, Yamaguchi-kun,” Sugawara-kun says, knowing full well how far away Tadashi lives. “Do you understand?”

 

He doesn’t stay long enough to answer.

 

…

 

The first time he sees the Crow, he’s crouched on top of a nightclub, watching the stream of people waiting to go in slowly dwindle. It’s close to midnight when his shift ends, but Noya -  _ Lightning Strike,  _ he insists on being called at all times, whether he’s on duty or not - has yet to show. Tadashi walks along the perimeter to see if he can spot Noya and nearly trips over him. 

 

He’s passed out cold, forehead swollen as a small cut continues to bleed. Tadashi tears off a few centimeters from the bottom of his cape and rolls up the fabric before pressing it to the cut. 

 

“Please be okay,” he mumbles, biting his bottom lip. He didn’t even hear it, for fuck’s sake - he could have stopped it.  _ Sugawara-san  _ would have stopped it. 

 

“Your friend will live,” someone said, dropping down from the next building. It would have scared Tadashi more if he hadn’t been expecting it. Even still, the mask distorts his voice enough to make the hair on the back of Tadashi’s neck stand upright. 

 

“What do you want?”

 

“Nothing from you,” he says. “Just stay away from our territory.”

 

“Who’s - “ he starts to asks, but the Crow is already running off the edge of the roof and jumping into the darkness. 

 

…

 

The train is empty, but that just makes the ride seem even longer - just stop after stop of a few people moving between the platform and the cars. 

 

It’s only 2:30 - he’ll make it in time. He has to.

 

…

 

Somehow, Tadashi manages to tell Sugawara everything that happened in a single breath between all the tears. The Crow, he later found out the man was called, was right - Noya was fine, just a bit of swelling and blood loss. 

 

“Who are they?” Tadashi asks, once he’s done.

 

“The same as us,” Sugawara says. “Their leader was a friend, once. We used to work together, even, until we fell out over methods.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“That doesn’t mean you can trust them. Being on the same side doesn’t mean they’re the good guys.”

 

Tadashi doesn’t completely trust that, but he doesn’t have any basis to argue, either. It’s Sugawara-san - why would he lie?

 

…

 

“Tsukki - !“ he bursts into the apartment to find it a wreck - the couch has been flipped over, the contents of the bookshelves spread across the floor. “No…”

 

“Tadashi?” 

 

His heart skips a beat. 

 

“Tsukki…”

 

His face is bloody - the cut on his mouth from that morning has been reopened, and it’s joined by a few others scattered around his face. He smiles, just the corner of his mouth tilting upwards, but it’s obvious the stretch is painful. 

 

“What happened?”

 

“The one from before came for a rematch. He said Sugawara-san sent him.”

 

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have trusted him.”

 

“I doubt that - “

 

“I could have warned you!” He feels like shit, he could have done  _ something,  _ even if it was just texting Tsukki a heads up before he got on the train. 

 

“You’re being stupid, Tadashi.”

 

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

 

Tsukishima sighs. “We’re going to be okay, Tadashi.”

 

…

 

Tsukishima rights all the furniture as Tadashi cooks dinner later that night. While they eat, the two of them work on patching their suits and repairing weapons. The only time they speak is to offer tips, and even then they usually ignore each other. 

 

 

That night, Tadashi convinces Tsukki to sleep in his bed.

 

_ “It’s not like you haven’t before,”  _ he reasons,  _ “and it’s safer.” _

 

Even still, he’s scared for sunrise.

 

…

 

“Promise me you’ll be careful in Tokyo, Tadashi.”

 

“Mom - “

 

“I know you’ve been there without me before, and you’ll be with Kei, but I still...I still worry.”

 

“I promise I’ll be okay.”

 

“And you’ll call me if anything happens?”

 

“I promise.”

 

...

 

They ride the subway with their bags between their legs, Tadashi’s hands around Tsukki’s elbow as the sun begins to rise and peek through the train windows. Together, they walk through the red light district. Once they’re only a few blocks away, they find a secluded corner to change in.

 

Tadashi catches Tsukki staring at him, and he knows what he wants to ask -  _ “Are you sure you want to do this?” _

 

He knows once he walks into The Aerie, he won’t be able to go back. But then again, he doesn’t think he would want to, even if he could.

 

…

 

“Do you, Yamaguchi Tadashi, swear to fight to defend those who cannot defend themselves?”

 

“I swear.”

 

“Do you, Yamaguchi Tadashi, swear to not allow others to sway your judgment?”

 

“I swear.”

 

“And do you, Yamaguchi Tadashi, swear to uphold your oath to protect the ward to the best of your abilities?”

 

“I swear.”

 

…

 

The second Tsukki kicks in the door, Tadashi realizes it might have been better if they had some sort of plan, but it’s too late now, he realizes as a knife narrowly misses him and hits the wall, sinking in to the handle. 

 

At least only Noya, Hinata, and Sugawara are in The Aerie, with Kageyama still on parole and Daichi who knows where. As Hinata runs up to face him, Tadashi slides out the black switchblade Sugawara gave him. He can’t bring himself to use it against the fledgling, though, and punches him in the nose hard enough to knock him out. 

 

Beside him, Tsukki is dealing with Noya with less success than last time. Even if he struggling, he’s angry enough to win. 

 

Tadashi opens the switchblade and looks at Sugawara-san.

 

…

 

“You’ve been out a lot lately,” Tsukki says. They’re watching nature documentaries with the lights off so the wall behind them reflects the image - blurry, more like patches of color. 

 

“So have you.”

 

Tsukki hums. “Is your tutor helping?”

 

Tadashi’s mind flashes back to the night before, when Sugawara taught him how to fire a gun. “Yes,” he says, because he can load a glock.

 

“That’s good,” Tsukki replies, and they keep watching the documentary. 

 

…

 

“You led him here?” Sugawara asks, actually sounding hurt. 

 

“You told Noya to hurt him before it was time. Why should I keep my promise?”

 

“I didn’t promise anything,” Sugawara says. He’s leaning against the weapons table, and his hands are tucked in his front pockets, but Tadashi knows how fast he is. Already holding a knife doesn’t change his chances. 

 

…

 

“It’s all about how you hold your wrist,” Sugawara tells him. Tadashi hangs onto every word, so eager to learn, to prove his worth. 

 

This first throw is terrible - the knife doesn’t even make it to the target. But still, Sugawara says, “You’ll get it soon enough, Yamaguchi-kun.”

 

…

 

“You shouldn’t play with knives. Someone could get hurt, Tadashi-kun.”

 

Tadashi swallows, tightening his grip on the knife. He can hear Noya and Tsukki fighting behind him and he’s worried, but he forces himself to not turn around. 

 

“You’ve grown up, haven’t you, Tadashi-kun?” Sugawara-san smiles, wistful. Tadashi almost thinks back to all the time they spent training together, to all the late nights before tests that Sugawara-san spent tutoring him. He doesn’t even seem like the same person anymore. 

 

…

 

“Tsukki.”

 

It’s late, two days before they graduate from high school. The question has been resting on the tip of Tadashi’s tongue for months now, weighing heavily and waiting to burst out even as Tadashi is unable to voice it.

 

“What?” Tsukishima doesn’t look up. 

 

“Do you - ?” he stops, staring at his hands. “Do you want to get an apartment together in college?”

 

He feels better for a microsecond once the words are out, but then the anxiety settles in. what if Tsukki says no? What if he’s annoyed that Tadashi applied to the same college without caring what Tsukki thought? What if Tsukki - 

 

“I thought we had already decided that,” he says, still not looking up from his book. “Several months ago,” he adds, when Tadashi doesn’t reply, still not looking up.

 

Tadashi blushes, smiling down at his hands. “Of course, Tsukki.”

 

…

 

And maybe that’s what makes it so easy to throw the knife - his burning desire to cling to Tsukki through thick and thin. No matter what Sugawara-san meant to him, Tsukki means more. 

 

…

 

There’s blood dripping from Tsukki’s mouth. Tadashi reaches out to wipe it away, and surprisingly enough, Tsukki lets him. It feels strange, like an invasion of personal space, even if Tsukki let him. Tadashi starts to step away, but Tsukki stops him.

 

“Come on, Tadashi. Let’s go home.”

 

“Okay, Tsukki.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is inspired by han's MitAoSIverse, which you should definitely check out!!  
> tumblr - c10p (possibly gay-farming soon??) and claude-lit  
> twitter - cactixix


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